healing

Learning to heal myself

Learning to be vulnerable and learning to fail is so hard! The idea of failing has scared me out of every business opportunity I have started. Even right now I find myself not taking the steps to start this flower farm for the fear of failing and not being as good as the people around me. I follow so many of these amazing farms, how in the world can I compare to them? This is literally killing me and my dreams… I thought I had the drive, and the passion to make this a reality yet I talk myself out of it every time. WTF is wrong with me????

NOTHING

I am not the only one that is doing this. It’s all scary and I know someone needs to hear this besides me. IT’S OK TO BE SCARED AND FAIL (if that even happens). I’ve made it very clear that I struggle with lots of depression, and one thing that I constantly tell myself is I’m screwing up my kids. I’m worried that all these emotions, ups and downs, and crying are going to fully mess them up. But I think in reality if I’m open with them maybe I can help them learn to deal with it if they ever start to go through something like this.

How can I help myself, my kids, and others around us?

I cry all the time. I’m depressed about my job and my life. I’m unhappy with where our life is right now. I love my husband and my kids more than life it’s self believe me I feel horrible for saying I’m unhappy. But it’s not them! This is about me letting down my guard letting others help and letting myself be vulnerable.

The definition of Vulnerability: “The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally”

The state of being exposed… What if people see things aren’t so great? What if they see us fail? I’m really good at making it look like I have it all together (or at least I think I do!) In reality, I’m broken and falling apart right now. I’m not only overweight and seeing/feeling my body completely fall apart right now, but mentally I can’t keep it together. I’m foggy, emotional, tired, exhausted might be a better word, and giving up. This tension I hold in my neck is causing daily issues. I have no drive to just keep going right now. The fear of the unknown is what I live with every day. I’ve never felt anxiety like I do now every single day…

I truly believe the body can heal itself. Sometimes we need a little extra help, but ultimately we are in charge of healing ourselves. For me I know I can’t move forward with my dreams until I heal myself, this doesn’t mean I can’t include it in my recovery but I have to learn to put myself first. That being said I think my little business dream is a lot of what is going to get me to the other side. Flowers allow me to get creative and get my hands dirty, it’s a type of therapy for me. Between meditation and flowers, this is part of my therapy! I’m seeing this very clear now. Food is the other healer. Together I’m going to heal myself and start my business.

It’s time to allow myself to be happy.

This weeks menu. YUM!

This weeks menu is done and prepped!

Breakfast –

  • Spiced Pumpkin Muffins: Against All Grain Cookbook

Lunch –

  • Taco Soup: Keto 4 Karboholics (this soup is AMAZING)
  • Tomato Soup: Keto 4 Karboholics
  • Club Sandwich Wraps: Against All Grain Cookbook

Dinner –

  • Meatball Subs: Eat What You Love Cookbook
  • Legit Chicken Thighs: Keto 4 Karboholics
  • BBQ Bacon Burgers: Against All Grain Cookbook
  • S&S Chicken Thighs: Keto 4 Karboholics
  • Legit Pork Chops: Keto 4 Karboholics
  • BBQ Dry Rub Thighs: Keto 4 Karboholics
  • Spare Ribs: Spinachandbacon.com

I’m going to try and not have to many snacks between meals. If I do it will be string cheese, nuts or something simple. All the cookbooks I have I ordered from Amazon. I love finding recipes on Pinterest and Keto 4 Karboholics has the most amazing keto recipes! Go follow her Instagram, you won’t be disappointed.

So here is where I’m listing my meals, however I’m planning on experimenting with the recipes. Like I’ve talked about before my goal is to cut all sugar including the fake stuff. That’s what draws me to a Paleo diet. But I love Kassy’s (K4K) recipes, so I’m going to see where I can sub out and mix in local honey and pure maple syrup.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Switching from Keto to Paleo

I got 3 new cook books this week! I have been doing so much research on how diet can be connected to depression. I think there is hope… I am focusing on keto/paleo to see how this plays out. Like I have said in the past I love the keto diet I have been following but I’m just not a huge fan of the sweeteners used in all the recipes. If I can use natural sweeteners like raw honey or pure maple syrup I feel like that can be healthier for my body? I get that the keto sweeteners are made for a reason, so they don’t spike your blood sugar and you can stay in ketosis, but if I’m really trying to just focus on the quality of food I’m putting in my body, I’m thinking I should focus on what is the most natural.

We have fresh pork from the butcher in the freezer, and am shopping around for beef. I think I just secured 12 hoop houses off craigslist (for free, just need to buy the plastic)! This winter I really want to try and keep some of my garden going. There is so much to look in to and remember everyday that I can do this! I’m doing this to stay off medications. This isn’t for everyone and I get that but I am desperate to heal my heart and head in a natural way. Along with diet I will continue taking all my vitamins and add in meditation.

So what are the main differences between Keto and Paleo, well not much!

KETO                                                          

  • Veggies                                     
  • Meat
  • Fish                           
  • Fats
  • Dairy
  • Nuts and Seeds

My favorite part of Keto is that I can have dairy. I love dairy! But I don’t like that I can’t have much fruit. That is something I love to snack on and it makes happy 🙂 I find that a lot of people that do Keto don’t really focus on the quality of the food they are eating, it’s all about the carbs and they tend to over eat on the fat. (Don’t get me wrong I am not a specialist in this department and please consult a doctor before you make any changes to your diet) I have had great success with a strict keto diet in the past but this time around I’m going after something a little different. This time it’s not about losing weight. This is strictly about my mental health and what it can do for healing the body.

PALEO

  • ORGAN MEAT
  • MEAT / POULTRY
  • FISH / SHELLFISH
  • LEAFY GREENS
  • CRUCIFEROUS VEGGIES
  • ROOT VEGGIES
  • BERRIES
  • CITRUS FRUIT
  • FATS

The paleo diet seems to have a little more freedom, yet not. Like I said above no dairy is hard for me. But I feel like I have the freedom to eat more veggies and fruit. I honestly feel like it’s really close to eating the same way, it’s just a matter or eating for losing weight or eating to heal your body.

The more I research the more I am starting to see a link between mental health and autoimmune disease. I have a mental health problem, however I also have gut issues. Do you think they could be related to each other? I do! I need to heal one to heal the other.

This weekend we start the trials. 37 day paleo diet starts tomorrow! This weekend I shop, plan and cook. I have the carb manager app to keep track of all my food and I’m hoping I can get in the habit of journaling everyday on my progress.

September 25th – October 31st WISH ME LUCK!