One of the hardest things is to admit something is wrong or going on that you feel like you have no control over. For many years I have battled what feels like a frustrating, never ending story of depression. Over the last couple years I have find myself admitting to my husband that things have changed and got worse. It’s not an everyday feeling, but instead we have advanced into some really high and low moments. Let me tell you the low times feel like my little world is coming to an end with a ball of fire chasing me!

There I said it… I’m not just a normal human but I have some big struggles that I’m admitting out loud!

One year ago I went and saw a naturopathic doctor for my depression and some girly issues. It was super informative and I appreciated what she offered me and my health. She was willing to help me start my journey on a holistic approach to recovery. I walked out with a bag full of vitamins, herbal tinctures and a new way I was supposed to be eating along with a exercise routine. Nothing crazy, she wanted me to follow a “dirty” keto diet and get in at least 30 minutes a day of movement. Not bad right? Well, changing the way you eat when you LOVE food, is harder then you think… And consistently taking my vitamins and tinctures apparently are harder then I thought it would be!

My good friend asked if I wanted to do a Keto Challenge with her that she has done in the past and loved. I needed a little motivation and this had a money pot at the end (a little extra motivation), so I jumped in with both feet! That 6 weeks changed the way I looked at keto and made me excited to cook and experiment with what we can do with food. I didn’t end up winning any money, but I did drop 15lbs in that 6 weeks and gained tons of new recipes that the whole family loved. The next challenge came and my motivation just wasn’t there… I started losing all motivation for everything again and I wasn’t the only one noticing.

Let me explain what happened in that first 6 weeks –

I lost weight for the first time in years! My sleep was oh so amazing and I was sleeping normal hours waking up perfectly refreshed. My skin was glowing, and my energy levels bumped up by a million percent. I didn’t have one single low in those 6 weeks… NOT ONE… My husband loved seeing me clear and happy, and my kids actually told me how much different I am and how I am always in a good mood. My kids also noticed their acne had gone away eating this way. All bloating was gone, my stomach issues were disappearing and I’m going to say it again, my energy levels were through the roof. I found a love for my kitchen again and was so happy to be utilizing all my garden treasures everyday.

So what happened???? How did I end up falling back into my normal ugly bad habits??? STRESS / OVERWHELMED / OVER SCHEDULED / HORMONES. That’s what happened.

You know what else happened when I fell off the wagon? All the ugly came rushing back and I think my lows got worse, if that is even possible…

This has brought me to my now. I signed up for another challenge (and again I can’t tell you enough how amazing the recipes are!) it hasn’t been perfect but it’s going. We are 4 weeks in and I haven’t lost a single pound. Not one. Last week I had a low that made us think it’s time to go see a doctor again and talk about my now “manic” episodes that seem to be getting worse. Strictly following a keto diet, expanding my exercise routine and growing my meditation practice are all things I have to get serious about in this journey to heal myself.

Well I just spilled my guts here and it’s not pretty! How is everyone else doing?